This is a question I come across a lot, so with the month of love coming up I thought it was a good time to address it. You see a bunch of flowers and a box of choccies on Valentine's Day is not going to cut it. So what is?
(I'm addressing this to the men, but ladies, the same rules apply to you.)
Let's assume for a moment that you're not married to your wife, but that she is a gorgeous single mum that you'd very much like to date. Is she going to want to jump into bed with you as you currently stand? Let's take a deeper look...
(I'm addressing this to the men, but ladies, the same rules apply to you.)
Let's assume for a moment that you're not married to your wife, but that she is a gorgeous single mum that you'd very much like to date. Is she going to want to jump into bed with you as you currently stand? Let's take a deeper look...
You see attraction goes beyond just what you look like physically. You need to check a couple of boxes in all areas of life. Ask yourself some of the following questions and then rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in each area of life (where 1 is absolutely unattractive and 10 is someone who you think she would be aching for):
Physical
Are you well groomed? Are your teeth brushed? Do you shave regularly? Do you smell nice? Are you in good physical shape? Do you get up each morning and dress for success? Do you exercise? Do you take care of your diet? If you drink, do you do so moderately?
Mental
Are you relatively intelligent? Do you engage your partner and other people in stimulating conversations? Are you learning and reading regularly? Do you have interests and hobbies that you actively pursue? Do you challenge yourself? Are you a good listener?
Family
Do you show an active interest in her children? Do you spend quality time with her and her children? Do you participate in important decisions to do with the kids? Do you assist with the daily raising and discipline? Are her children excited to see you? Do you have a decent relationship with her family members? And your own? Have you dealt with your own childhood traumas? Do you help with daily chores and keeping the home looking beautiful and neat?
Spiritual
Are you actively involved in your own spiritual growth? Do you nourish and respect her spiritual path? Are you pursuing some greater purpose in life? Are you contributing to your world and society? Do you experience and express wonder and joy? Do you have fun? Do you connect with nature?
Financial
Are you able to provide for her needs? Do you take note of what her likes and interests are and spoil her in meaningful ways? Do you have enough self worth and self respect to pay yourself first? Do you have savings and investments and a solid plan for your retirement? Do you pay all your bills and keep yourself debt free? Do you enjoy your money wisely? Are you financially literate or working towards that? Do you know what your net worth is?
Career
Are you pursuing a career that you love and that excites and stimulates you? Do you speak positively about your challenges? Are you managing your stress levels? Do you have a greater purpose? Do you have goals and dreams that you are working towards? Do you have shared dreams that you are working towards? Do you take an active interest in her career, goals and dreams?
Social
Do you spend time with interesting stimulating people? Do you show an interest in her friends and social activities? Do you speak kindly about her friends and associates? Do you have a greater social cause? Do you care about your community? Do you have shared interests, hobbies or activities? Do you have fun together?
So how did you do? Are you a good catch? Or could you use some drastic and immediate improvement? I'm not saying for a second that you have to be perfect or amazing in every area, but you do at least need to try.
Think about how you tried when you were first dating. I'm pretty certain you didn't pitch up to her house in your oldest track suit, unshaven? I'm almost positive you didn't tell her she had to hold back when ordering because you were having cash flow issues. If she already had kids there's no way you would have sworn at them. You definitely didn't enter her house, dump your smelly socks on the table, make yourself a greasy meal and then expect her to clean up after you!
We're naturally attracted to people who are self driven, who work on themselves, who work on their relationships and who show a genuine interest in who we are and what our passions are.
Even if your score in each area is looking pretty shocking right now, that doesn't mean there is no hope. It is just feedback. If she's been avoiding your physical embrace, you've been getting that feedback anyway, just not in such a clear, actionable way.
So get up off the couch, put on some aftershave, get your affairs in order and go and woo your wife!
Physical
Are you well groomed? Are your teeth brushed? Do you shave regularly? Do you smell nice? Are you in good physical shape? Do you get up each morning and dress for success? Do you exercise? Do you take care of your diet? If you drink, do you do so moderately?
Mental
Are you relatively intelligent? Do you engage your partner and other people in stimulating conversations? Are you learning and reading regularly? Do you have interests and hobbies that you actively pursue? Do you challenge yourself? Are you a good listener?
Family
Do you show an active interest in her children? Do you spend quality time with her and her children? Do you participate in important decisions to do with the kids? Do you assist with the daily raising and discipline? Are her children excited to see you? Do you have a decent relationship with her family members? And your own? Have you dealt with your own childhood traumas? Do you help with daily chores and keeping the home looking beautiful and neat?
Spiritual
Are you actively involved in your own spiritual growth? Do you nourish and respect her spiritual path? Are you pursuing some greater purpose in life? Are you contributing to your world and society? Do you experience and express wonder and joy? Do you have fun? Do you connect with nature?
Financial
Are you able to provide for her needs? Do you take note of what her likes and interests are and spoil her in meaningful ways? Do you have enough self worth and self respect to pay yourself first? Do you have savings and investments and a solid plan for your retirement? Do you pay all your bills and keep yourself debt free? Do you enjoy your money wisely? Are you financially literate or working towards that? Do you know what your net worth is?
Career
Are you pursuing a career that you love and that excites and stimulates you? Do you speak positively about your challenges? Are you managing your stress levels? Do you have a greater purpose? Do you have goals and dreams that you are working towards? Do you have shared dreams that you are working towards? Do you take an active interest in her career, goals and dreams?
Social
Do you spend time with interesting stimulating people? Do you show an interest in her friends and social activities? Do you speak kindly about her friends and associates? Do you have a greater social cause? Do you care about your community? Do you have shared interests, hobbies or activities? Do you have fun together?
So how did you do? Are you a good catch? Or could you use some drastic and immediate improvement? I'm not saying for a second that you have to be perfect or amazing in every area, but you do at least need to try.
Think about how you tried when you were first dating. I'm pretty certain you didn't pitch up to her house in your oldest track suit, unshaven? I'm almost positive you didn't tell her she had to hold back when ordering because you were having cash flow issues. If she already had kids there's no way you would have sworn at them. You definitely didn't enter her house, dump your smelly socks on the table, make yourself a greasy meal and then expect her to clean up after you!
We're naturally attracted to people who are self driven, who work on themselves, who work on their relationships and who show a genuine interest in who we are and what our passions are.
Even if your score in each area is looking pretty shocking right now, that doesn't mean there is no hope. It is just feedback. If she's been avoiding your physical embrace, you've been getting that feedback anyway, just not in such a clear, actionable way.
So get up off the couch, put on some aftershave, get your affairs in order and go and woo your wife!