I was in Mpumalanga with my kids a few years back, walking a labyrinth at a lovely little place called Old Joe’s Kaia. It was a hot summer’s day and the three of us were alone – the kids shrieking with joy and running wild as I walked slowly along contemplating the significance of feeling like you’re going backwards when you are, in fact, on the path towards your goal. I looked up, as the kids, from somewhere on the other side of the labyrinth, shouted to me, “Which way should we go?”
It struck me that in the labyrinth, as in life, I had absolutely no idea. And so I gave them probably the wisest parenting advice I’ve ever given:
It struck me that in the labyrinth, as in life, I had absolutely no idea. And so I gave them probably the wisest parenting advice I’ve ever given:
“Go any way you like. I can’t tell where you are on your journey from where I’m standing. So just keep going. If it’s the ‘wrong’ way, you can always turn around, retrace your steps, or just jump over the hedges and take a short cut to the middle! It doesn’t matter. Go whichever way you feel like going.”
It was at about that time that I decided to stop parenting. You see parenting implies that we know what we’re doing, that we know better than our kids, that we can see the future and what they need now to get there, that there is a right way to do things or to live life.
Love, on the other hand, is a state of not knowing, of trust and risk and uncertainty. It assumes that we are equals and that every path will end up somewhere and we’ll be ok in the end.
I choose love.
I choose being confused and somewhat afraid and taking leaps into the unknown. I choose kindness over being right, friendship over being in control, and co-creating rather than dictating.
It is the right way? I don’t know. I still often have the sense that I am going backwards or I don’t know where I am going. But I know that if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other I will go somewhere and my kids will keep going somewhere. And though our journeys may not be the same, where our paths meet there will be laughter and hugs and understanding and connection rather than criticism and nagging and head butting and drama.
This path doesn’t have guidebooks or maps or clearly marked directions; it is more of an adventure than a guided tour. You may get lost along the way, you may pray for the manual at times, but in the end your reward will be worth it. A strong bond with your kids doesn’t come from a book; it doesn’t follow any rules or adhere to any formulas. It is about following your heart and going whichever way you feel like going, and trusting that you are exactly where you need to be.
So what I wish for you and your kids this year is that you stop parenting and just love.
Happy, Loving New Year to you all!
It was at about that time that I decided to stop parenting. You see parenting implies that we know what we’re doing, that we know better than our kids, that we can see the future and what they need now to get there, that there is a right way to do things or to live life.
Love, on the other hand, is a state of not knowing, of trust and risk and uncertainty. It assumes that we are equals and that every path will end up somewhere and we’ll be ok in the end.
I choose love.
I choose being confused and somewhat afraid and taking leaps into the unknown. I choose kindness over being right, friendship over being in control, and co-creating rather than dictating.
It is the right way? I don’t know. I still often have the sense that I am going backwards or I don’t know where I am going. But I know that if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other I will go somewhere and my kids will keep going somewhere. And though our journeys may not be the same, where our paths meet there will be laughter and hugs and understanding and connection rather than criticism and nagging and head butting and drama.
This path doesn’t have guidebooks or maps or clearly marked directions; it is more of an adventure than a guided tour. You may get lost along the way, you may pray for the manual at times, but in the end your reward will be worth it. A strong bond with your kids doesn’t come from a book; it doesn’t follow any rules or adhere to any formulas. It is about following your heart and going whichever way you feel like going, and trusting that you are exactly where you need to be.
So what I wish for you and your kids this year is that you stop parenting and just love.
Happy, Loving New Year to you all!
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