
Chances are, when you met your partner, you were infatuated – you thought that they were “the one” and could only see all the millions of similarities between you. You thought that you had finally found someone on your wavelength, someone who would think like you and care about what you cared about and parent in exactly the same way that you thought was right.
And then somewhere along the line that infatuation wears off and resentment kicks in. You suddenly become aware of all the differences and realize that they are in fact not like you at all – even perhaps your polar opposite. You disagree on everything from the basics to the most fundamental, and parenting becomes a war zone.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. About 50% of couples end up divorced, and the most common time for divorce is in the first seven years of marriage or the first two years after having a child. So how can you become part of the 50% who do make it? Read on…
And then somewhere along the line that infatuation wears off and resentment kicks in. You suddenly become aware of all the differences and realize that they are in fact not like you at all – even perhaps your polar opposite. You disagree on everything from the basics to the most fundamental, and parenting becomes a war zone.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. About 50% of couples end up divorced, and the most common time for divorce is in the first seven years of marriage or the first two years after having a child. So how can you become part of the 50% who do make it? Read on…
Firstly you need to understand that the purpose of a relationship is not to make you happy. Relationships are there to help you to grow. And the fastest route to growth is to become aware of the parts of yourself that you have denied, repressed or disowned.
As we search for a partner that is just like us what we do unconsciously is attract someone who is just the opposite – someone who embodies all the traits that we are too humble or to proud to admit that we have ourselves. Our partners are there as a reflection of this, so that we can eventually see these things not only in them, but in ourselves, and learn to love all aspects of being human.
The truth is that they are just like us, as are all human beings. We all embody all aspects and traits, but we tend to be blind to some sides of ourselves. Our partners, and our children, help us to see and love these sides. And this is why, if you don’t resolve your conflicts in a relationship, if you don’t learn to love those traits that you see in them but deny in yourself, you will end up attracting another partner who turns out to be just the same. You will keep doing this until you learn wholeness.
The partner that you have chosen is your soul mate – the perfect person to teach you your perfect lessons in love and gratitude. They are custom-made to help you to work on the things that you need to work on. They were handpicked by your unconscious mind to help you to become whole. Once you see this and you feel the natural gratitude that comes from someone helping you to live your ultimate life, then every relationship becomes a breeze.
To start seeing this perfection in your relationship, write down every trait that you most dislike in your partner. Then for each of these find as many examples as you can of where you do exactly the same thing that you dislike in them (You may do this in a different way or in a different area of your life, but I guarantee you that if you can see it in them, you have it in you). Then find at least 50 benefits of this disliked trait.
It’s a difficult exercise, as we don’t want to admit that we have what we see in them, but it is worthwhile pushing through and finding the love that lies just the other side of your resentment. Keep in mind, also, that your children watch how you handle your relationships and see this as a norm to which they will later unconsciously subscribe.
If you’re finding it difficult or you want to take this to the next level, give me a call. It only takes one person in the relationship to wake up and see the light and the entire family system transforms. Look out, also, for my “Seven Billion Love Languages” workshop coming up later this year.
Happy Valentines Day!
As we search for a partner that is just like us what we do unconsciously is attract someone who is just the opposite – someone who embodies all the traits that we are too humble or to proud to admit that we have ourselves. Our partners are there as a reflection of this, so that we can eventually see these things not only in them, but in ourselves, and learn to love all aspects of being human.
The truth is that they are just like us, as are all human beings. We all embody all aspects and traits, but we tend to be blind to some sides of ourselves. Our partners, and our children, help us to see and love these sides. And this is why, if you don’t resolve your conflicts in a relationship, if you don’t learn to love those traits that you see in them but deny in yourself, you will end up attracting another partner who turns out to be just the same. You will keep doing this until you learn wholeness.
The partner that you have chosen is your soul mate – the perfect person to teach you your perfect lessons in love and gratitude. They are custom-made to help you to work on the things that you need to work on. They were handpicked by your unconscious mind to help you to become whole. Once you see this and you feel the natural gratitude that comes from someone helping you to live your ultimate life, then every relationship becomes a breeze.
To start seeing this perfection in your relationship, write down every trait that you most dislike in your partner. Then for each of these find as many examples as you can of where you do exactly the same thing that you dislike in them (You may do this in a different way or in a different area of your life, but I guarantee you that if you can see it in them, you have it in you). Then find at least 50 benefits of this disliked trait.
It’s a difficult exercise, as we don’t want to admit that we have what we see in them, but it is worthwhile pushing through and finding the love that lies just the other side of your resentment. Keep in mind, also, that your children watch how you handle your relationships and see this as a norm to which they will later unconsciously subscribe.
If you’re finding it difficult or you want to take this to the next level, give me a call. It only takes one person in the relationship to wake up and see the light and the entire family system transforms. Look out, also, for my “Seven Billion Love Languages” workshop coming up later this year.
Happy Valentines Day!