We’ve all experienced it: You’re sitting at the dinner table, an hour has gone by, and your child is staring at their plate, moaning, having eaten a bit of meat or potatoes but not having touched a single vegetable. The frustration is mounting, the time is ticking by, the bath is getting cold. You’ve threatened and bribed and shouted. You’ve told them about starving kids in Africa and shown them pictures of people dying of scurvy. You’ve given them the full guilt speech about how many long hours you’ve spent in the kitchen. You’ve told them they’re naughty, all the while feeling guilty yourself for not being a better parent – one who cuts the veggies into funny little animals to make them more exciting to eat - but the truth is you’re exhausted and fed up and you’re just not creative in that way.
You want to give up, but children should eat all their veggies. Right?
Wrong. And today I’m going to take you on a little journey to end your suppertime trauma. Follow along…
You want to give up, but children should eat all their veggies. Right?
Wrong. And today I’m going to take you on a little journey to end your suppertime trauma. Follow along…
Children should eat all their veggies.
Is this true? You’ll probably all want to say yes, but can you absolutely know that this is true? Keep in mind now that you have two choices – to accept the present moment or reject it and wish it were different (see last month’s newsletter). So if your child is NOT eating their veggies, then the sane answer to this question is no. It is not absolutely true that kids should eat all their veggies. Why? Because they don’t. And thinking that they should and trying to force reality to be different is insane.
So how do you feel when you believe that they should be eating all their veggies and they’re not? Well, you probably feel frustrated, possibly even angry. You may tell yourself a whole story in your head about your kids being ungrateful and spoiled. You may tell a story about yourself being a useless cook. You may blame your partner or ex-partner for spoiling them. You may become aggressive or miserable. You may even end up punishing your kids or fighting with your spouse or giving up and sending everyone to bed without dinner or stories.
So let’s just take a little trip out of your usual scenario for a moment and IMAGINE who you would be in the same situation, but without that thought that kids should eat their veggies. Imagine that I have given you some kind of specific frontal lobotomy that prevents you from ever being able to think that again. So there you are, same situation, at the table, kids not eating veggies, but no thoughts. How do you feel? What happens?
The chances are that this s a much more happy and peaceful scene. It involves a family sitting round the table, chatting, laughing, finding out about each other’s days and dreams and aspirations. Veggies are uneaten, but everyone is relaxed and happy and satisfied. Uneaten veggies get packed away for someone’s lunch next day. The table is cleared and everyone goes to bed or bath in a good mood and with good feeling towards each other.
So my question now is: Is there a STRESS-FREE reason to hold on to the thought that children should eat all their veggies? I’m not asking you to rid yourself of the thought, just wondering if you can find a stress-free reason to hang onto it? It is just a thought after all – not necessarily truth or fact or necessity.
No?
So let’s turn that around then…
1. Children should NOT eat all their veggies.
Why? Because they’re not. And to wish for reality to be different to what it is is the main cause of suffering in life. Will they die without eating veggies? No. My grandfather helped me to dispel this crazy belief by telling me about growing up in Finland where in the harsh winters they often had no vegetables at all for months. Did they get scurvy and die? No, of course not. And we’re even more fortunate these days to have excellent and delicious tasting multi-vitamins and minerals that we can supplement our kids’ diets with if we’re feeling worried.
2. Parents should eat all their veggies.
Isn’t this perhaps more true than the original statement? Our children don’t learn from what we say but from what we do, we all know this. So instead of shouting and lecturing and insisting that they do something, why don’t we just do it ourselves? Show them how to live by living well ourselves. When they see us enjoying our veggies and eating a variety of food, it will become stored in their minds as the ”right” way to eat, whether they are doing that initially themselves or not.
3. Vegetables shouldn’t eat children.
Ok, that sounds a bit weird, but bear with me. If meal times have become a war zone, then these vegetables become something that eat away at good family relations, that eat away at kids’ self-esteem, that eat away at the enjoyment of food and life. We know that negative emotions are as harmful, if not more so, than bad food, so is it really worth having fighting and stress every time you eat? Isn’t this actually worse for your children’s overall well being than just letting them leave some veggies on their plates?
The truth of reality is that children are not always going to eat everything on their plates, and nor should they. The chances are that they are far more in tune with their bodies than we are and will eat what they need when they need it if we just allow them to do this. In fact, overriding this natural sense of what is right for them, and overriding their inbuilt system that tells them when they have had enough to eat, is part of the reason we have so many adults with obesity and other eating disorders.
So, have a healthy, happy dinner tonight and let your kids leave some veggies out. It’s reality after all, and whether you fight it or not, it’s still happening. Bon appetite!
(This is the first in a series of articles on Debunking Parenting Myths. If you’ve been sent this by a friend and would like to join us for the rest of the journey, sign up here.)
Is this true? You’ll probably all want to say yes, but can you absolutely know that this is true? Keep in mind now that you have two choices – to accept the present moment or reject it and wish it were different (see last month’s newsletter). So if your child is NOT eating their veggies, then the sane answer to this question is no. It is not absolutely true that kids should eat all their veggies. Why? Because they don’t. And thinking that they should and trying to force reality to be different is insane.
So how do you feel when you believe that they should be eating all their veggies and they’re not? Well, you probably feel frustrated, possibly even angry. You may tell yourself a whole story in your head about your kids being ungrateful and spoiled. You may tell a story about yourself being a useless cook. You may blame your partner or ex-partner for spoiling them. You may become aggressive or miserable. You may even end up punishing your kids or fighting with your spouse or giving up and sending everyone to bed without dinner or stories.
So let’s just take a little trip out of your usual scenario for a moment and IMAGINE who you would be in the same situation, but without that thought that kids should eat their veggies. Imagine that I have given you some kind of specific frontal lobotomy that prevents you from ever being able to think that again. So there you are, same situation, at the table, kids not eating veggies, but no thoughts. How do you feel? What happens?
The chances are that this s a much more happy and peaceful scene. It involves a family sitting round the table, chatting, laughing, finding out about each other’s days and dreams and aspirations. Veggies are uneaten, but everyone is relaxed and happy and satisfied. Uneaten veggies get packed away for someone’s lunch next day. The table is cleared and everyone goes to bed or bath in a good mood and with good feeling towards each other.
So my question now is: Is there a STRESS-FREE reason to hold on to the thought that children should eat all their veggies? I’m not asking you to rid yourself of the thought, just wondering if you can find a stress-free reason to hang onto it? It is just a thought after all – not necessarily truth or fact or necessity.
No?
So let’s turn that around then…
1. Children should NOT eat all their veggies.
Why? Because they’re not. And to wish for reality to be different to what it is is the main cause of suffering in life. Will they die without eating veggies? No. My grandfather helped me to dispel this crazy belief by telling me about growing up in Finland where in the harsh winters they often had no vegetables at all for months. Did they get scurvy and die? No, of course not. And we’re even more fortunate these days to have excellent and delicious tasting multi-vitamins and minerals that we can supplement our kids’ diets with if we’re feeling worried.
2. Parents should eat all their veggies.
Isn’t this perhaps more true than the original statement? Our children don’t learn from what we say but from what we do, we all know this. So instead of shouting and lecturing and insisting that they do something, why don’t we just do it ourselves? Show them how to live by living well ourselves. When they see us enjoying our veggies and eating a variety of food, it will become stored in their minds as the ”right” way to eat, whether they are doing that initially themselves or not.
3. Vegetables shouldn’t eat children.
Ok, that sounds a bit weird, but bear with me. If meal times have become a war zone, then these vegetables become something that eat away at good family relations, that eat away at kids’ self-esteem, that eat away at the enjoyment of food and life. We know that negative emotions are as harmful, if not more so, than bad food, so is it really worth having fighting and stress every time you eat? Isn’t this actually worse for your children’s overall well being than just letting them leave some veggies on their plates?
The truth of reality is that children are not always going to eat everything on their plates, and nor should they. The chances are that they are far more in tune with their bodies than we are and will eat what they need when they need it if we just allow them to do this. In fact, overriding this natural sense of what is right for them, and overriding their inbuilt system that tells them when they have had enough to eat, is part of the reason we have so many adults with obesity and other eating disorders.
So, have a healthy, happy dinner tonight and let your kids leave some veggies out. It’s reality after all, and whether you fight it or not, it’s still happening. Bon appetite!
(This is the first in a series of articles on Debunking Parenting Myths. If you’ve been sent this by a friend and would like to join us for the rest of the journey, sign up here.)
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