When we head into a New Year, it is important to take stock of where we are, what we have to be grateful for, and where our lives could use a bit of focus and improvement. Parenting, like any other skill we wish to work on, needs a process of evaluation and tweaking. So before you go barreling into 2017 and get caught up in the chaos and mayhem of a new school year and new commitments and resolutions, take an hour or so to review your past year of parenting. An hour now and some lessons learned can save you a lot of time putting out fires as the year goes on.
First things first… Look at the good. What worked for you and your family in the past year? What did you accomplish as a team? Which parenting disasters did you avoid? What have you learned? How have you grown? Are there issues with your kids that have been resolved? Were there any really special moments that you can remember? Were there any incidents where you felt particularly proud of yourself or your kids or how you handled things? Write down all the wonderful things that have happened in the past 12 months.
Then give yourself a good heartfelt pat on the back for making it through another year. Parenting is not easy, and you are doing fabulously.
The next step is to look at things that could have gone better. We all have a few moments that we’re not so proud of, a couple of traits we wish we could bury, a number of minor upsets that could definitely have been avoided. This is about acknowledging your humanity (we all screw up) and just giving yourself the time to figure out if there was anything you could have done to improve things. It’s not about feeling bad that you didn’t do better, but rather figuring out new behaviours so that if these things come up again you have a plan. Are there any new skills that you need? Is it time to take that parenting course or read that book or get some help? It is also worth noting what you have learned and how you have grown through these challenges and acknowledging that they were a necessary part of your journey and your child’s.
And finally, address those things that were so bad you wished they never had happened. Every year has both good and bad, and if we try to pretend the bad isn’t there or brush those feelings under the carpet, then we will end up carrying all that repressed emotion into the New Year. It is time to face it head on and find out where the gifts lie. Every challenge, every tragedy, has the seeds of something beautiful lying within waiting to be discovered.
Firstly note that no matter how awful things appeared at the time, you have survived. If nothing else, you are still living and breathing and the sun will come up tomorrow. Then take that terrible event and just try to find one good thing about it – has it made you more courageous, or brought your family closer together, or allowed you to draw on strength you didn’t even know you had, or taught you something about yourself or your family that you didn’t know until now? With gentle baby steps you can tease out the lessons and growth and insights and life skills that have come from whatever you have been through. The idea is not for you to be whooping with excitement and hoping that this happens again, but just to have a quiet acceptance and appreciation for where it has brought you and how you can perhaps use these gifts in the upcoming year.
Entering the New Year with gratitude means being able to see that everything that happens in a year and in our parenting is necessary and meaningful and guiding us towards a fulfilling and inspired life. This year, like the last, will have a mix of joy and suffering, elation and despair, magical moments and fearful failures, but every one of these is essential and beautiful if we shift our perspectives and embrace what is. It is up to you to decide whether you will carry the energy of fear, shame and guilt or the energy of acceptance, love and gratitude into your coming year.
May you be filled with the latter! Happy New Year!
Then give yourself a good heartfelt pat on the back for making it through another year. Parenting is not easy, and you are doing fabulously.
The next step is to look at things that could have gone better. We all have a few moments that we’re not so proud of, a couple of traits we wish we could bury, a number of minor upsets that could definitely have been avoided. This is about acknowledging your humanity (we all screw up) and just giving yourself the time to figure out if there was anything you could have done to improve things. It’s not about feeling bad that you didn’t do better, but rather figuring out new behaviours so that if these things come up again you have a plan. Are there any new skills that you need? Is it time to take that parenting course or read that book or get some help? It is also worth noting what you have learned and how you have grown through these challenges and acknowledging that they were a necessary part of your journey and your child’s.
And finally, address those things that were so bad you wished they never had happened. Every year has both good and bad, and if we try to pretend the bad isn’t there or brush those feelings under the carpet, then we will end up carrying all that repressed emotion into the New Year. It is time to face it head on and find out where the gifts lie. Every challenge, every tragedy, has the seeds of something beautiful lying within waiting to be discovered.
Firstly note that no matter how awful things appeared at the time, you have survived. If nothing else, you are still living and breathing and the sun will come up tomorrow. Then take that terrible event and just try to find one good thing about it – has it made you more courageous, or brought your family closer together, or allowed you to draw on strength you didn’t even know you had, or taught you something about yourself or your family that you didn’t know until now? With gentle baby steps you can tease out the lessons and growth and insights and life skills that have come from whatever you have been through. The idea is not for you to be whooping with excitement and hoping that this happens again, but just to have a quiet acceptance and appreciation for where it has brought you and how you can perhaps use these gifts in the upcoming year.
Entering the New Year with gratitude means being able to see that everything that happens in a year and in our parenting is necessary and meaningful and guiding us towards a fulfilling and inspired life. This year, like the last, will have a mix of joy and suffering, elation and despair, magical moments and fearful failures, but every one of these is essential and beautiful if we shift our perspectives and embrace what is. It is up to you to decide whether you will carry the energy of fear, shame and guilt or the energy of acceptance, love and gratitude into your coming year.
May you be filled with the latter! Happy New Year!
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