Meditation can be a life saving tool for parents (usually it’s the child’s life that it saves!), but what parent on the planet has time to sit down on a mountaintop and ohm for hours every day? Ok, I’m a freak, I’ll admit – I did actually meditate for 40 minutes twice a day when my kids were little. It helped. A lot. But I’m not crazy enough to suggest that you all do that too.
No, since then I’ve learned a lot about meditation and how you can get the benefits of this in a lot less time and in a much more manageable way. You already have more than enough to squeeze into the limited hours of life.
So I’m going to go in two directions here – I’m going to give you some tips on the typical shut-eye sit-and-do-nothing type of meditation for those of you who do find 20 or even 5 minutes in your day to do this; and then I’m going to show you how you don’t need to do that and you can still get all the benefits.
No, since then I’ve learned a lot about meditation and how you can get the benefits of this in a lot less time and in a much more manageable way. You already have more than enough to squeeze into the limited hours of life.
So I’m going to go in two directions here – I’m going to give you some tips on the typical shut-eye sit-and-do-nothing type of meditation for those of you who do find 20 or even 5 minutes in your day to do this; and then I’m going to show you how you don’t need to do that and you can still get all the benefits.
The mistake that most people make with meditation is that they think their mind is supposed to be completely still for the whole time that they are sitting there – no thoughts, no feelings, just peace.
Actually, meditation is more like minding a busy toddler at a braai (that’s a barbecue for those of you not in ZA). Imagine that you’re having a chat with a friend and you put your toddler down on the floor by your feet. You keep an eye on her, and being a toddler she spots the swimming pool, and off she goes. You wander over, pick her up and bring her back to your feet. A minute goes by. And then she’s off again – this time to check out the fire. Gently, you bring her back. Another minute or two of peace… and then…. off to see the dog. You gently bring her back. And on it goes…
It is in the nature of the toddler to explore. It is in the nature of the mind to do likewise. It isn’t a problem. You don’t need to fight it or scold it or become frustrated with it. It is just doing what it is supposed to do. Your job in meditation is to be the mindful parent – just gently keep bringing it back. Where to? To your breath or a mantra (this can be “ohm” but it can also be “I am” or “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” if you prefer). We are quietly training the mind to stay focused which has innumerable benefits when it comes to staying present with our children or in our jobs or driving or pretty much anything in life.
Now if you genuinely have a toddler and just don’t feel that you can get your butt into a chair for 5 uninterrupted minutes a day, here are some other ways to bring this mind-training into your life as you go about your day:
Breathe. You’re doing that already. Hopefully. Now just pay some attention to it. Notice if your breathing is in your upper chest or extending into your abdomen. Notice how it feels going in and out of your nostrils. You can play around with changing the breath and seeing how that makes you feel (a general rule is that a longer out-breath makes you more relaxed, and a longer in-breath preps you for action), or you can just allow your breathing to be as it is and just keep an eye on it. My favourite time to do this is when the kids are completely freaking out. Forget about calming them down. Just be in their presence and focus on your breathing. The Heart Math Institute has done some incredible research on how our heart rate variability affects the brainwaves of the people in our space. The science backs up being the change you want to see in your kids!
Feel your body from the inside. See if you can feel the energy inside your body, or the blood travelling through your veins. Bringing even a little bit of attention out of the mind and into the body can have a tremendously calming effect.
Bringing awareness to your senses can do the same thing. Become very aware of everything you can see, hear, smell, touch or taste in the moment. Hearing is particularly good for this as you really have to stop and focus to tune in to the sounds around you and in the distance. Maybe not so great if your toddler is screaming in your ear, though!
Keep your mind busy but focused. Use a life-affirming phrase such as “I am enough” or use a question that will draw you into the presence such as “How can I deepen my presence in this moment?” The unconscious mind loves questions – whatever you ask it will go out looking for the answer.
One of the best ways to train your mind and improve your life and parenting is gratitude. Just thinking of 3-5 things every day that you are truly grateful for can radically change your life. The trick with this is not to just rattle off things you know you should be grateful for, but to really and truly get into the FEELING of gratitude. Feel your heart opening and your body relaxing and possibly even a tear of gratitude welling up. This trains your mind to look beyond the problems of life and find the perfection inherent in every day and every moment. It is extremely useful when you have toddlers or teens and you feel like life is never going to be good again!
Meditation is about being the space in which for things to happen. It is about allowing what is instead of fighting with life. It is about focus, but it is equally about letting go and not getting attached to what happens or how things play out. It is about gratitude for the ever-changing world in which we live in. It is about living with fullness in the moment. What better parenting skills could we possibly ask for?
Want some more tips on staying present in your parenting? Book a session and let me assist you in finding that inner peace and unshakable calm.
Actually, meditation is more like minding a busy toddler at a braai (that’s a barbecue for those of you not in ZA). Imagine that you’re having a chat with a friend and you put your toddler down on the floor by your feet. You keep an eye on her, and being a toddler she spots the swimming pool, and off she goes. You wander over, pick her up and bring her back to your feet. A minute goes by. And then she’s off again – this time to check out the fire. Gently, you bring her back. Another minute or two of peace… and then…. off to see the dog. You gently bring her back. And on it goes…
It is in the nature of the toddler to explore. It is in the nature of the mind to do likewise. It isn’t a problem. You don’t need to fight it or scold it or become frustrated with it. It is just doing what it is supposed to do. Your job in meditation is to be the mindful parent – just gently keep bringing it back. Where to? To your breath or a mantra (this can be “ohm” but it can also be “I am” or “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” if you prefer). We are quietly training the mind to stay focused which has innumerable benefits when it comes to staying present with our children or in our jobs or driving or pretty much anything in life.
Now if you genuinely have a toddler and just don’t feel that you can get your butt into a chair for 5 uninterrupted minutes a day, here are some other ways to bring this mind-training into your life as you go about your day:
Breathe. You’re doing that already. Hopefully. Now just pay some attention to it. Notice if your breathing is in your upper chest or extending into your abdomen. Notice how it feels going in and out of your nostrils. You can play around with changing the breath and seeing how that makes you feel (a general rule is that a longer out-breath makes you more relaxed, and a longer in-breath preps you for action), or you can just allow your breathing to be as it is and just keep an eye on it. My favourite time to do this is when the kids are completely freaking out. Forget about calming them down. Just be in their presence and focus on your breathing. The Heart Math Institute has done some incredible research on how our heart rate variability affects the brainwaves of the people in our space. The science backs up being the change you want to see in your kids!
Feel your body from the inside. See if you can feel the energy inside your body, or the blood travelling through your veins. Bringing even a little bit of attention out of the mind and into the body can have a tremendously calming effect.
Bringing awareness to your senses can do the same thing. Become very aware of everything you can see, hear, smell, touch or taste in the moment. Hearing is particularly good for this as you really have to stop and focus to tune in to the sounds around you and in the distance. Maybe not so great if your toddler is screaming in your ear, though!
Keep your mind busy but focused. Use a life-affirming phrase such as “I am enough” or use a question that will draw you into the presence such as “How can I deepen my presence in this moment?” The unconscious mind loves questions – whatever you ask it will go out looking for the answer.
One of the best ways to train your mind and improve your life and parenting is gratitude. Just thinking of 3-5 things every day that you are truly grateful for can radically change your life. The trick with this is not to just rattle off things you know you should be grateful for, but to really and truly get into the FEELING of gratitude. Feel your heart opening and your body relaxing and possibly even a tear of gratitude welling up. This trains your mind to look beyond the problems of life and find the perfection inherent in every day and every moment. It is extremely useful when you have toddlers or teens and you feel like life is never going to be good again!
Meditation is about being the space in which for things to happen. It is about allowing what is instead of fighting with life. It is about focus, but it is equally about letting go and not getting attached to what happens or how things play out. It is about gratitude for the ever-changing world in which we live in. It is about living with fullness in the moment. What better parenting skills could we possibly ask for?
Want some more tips on staying present in your parenting? Book a session and let me assist you in finding that inner peace and unshakable calm.
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