As December comes around again, we are, as usual, bombarded with cheer and merriment. The shops are full of sparkly wreaths and shiny lights, there is music everywhere, and everyone seems to be excited to launch into a much-deserved holiday.
But what if you’re one of the many people who find themselves depressed over this supposedly joyful time? What if the lights and music and joy are irritating you and the thought of a long holiday up close and personal with your family is more like a nightmare? The reality is that you’re not alone. Many people suffer their worst depression over the December festive season.
But what if you’re one of the many people who find themselves depressed over this supposedly joyful time? What if the lights and music and joy are irritating you and the thought of a long holiday up close and personal with your family is more like a nightmare? The reality is that you’re not alone. Many people suffer their worst depression over the December festive season.
The reason for this is that we tend to have a fantasy about what this time “should” be like. We fantasise about families all getting on and things going smoothly and having enough money for overseas holidays, and time out to rest (not time out to run after children).
All depression has its basis in a fantasy. And the way out of it is to pick apart your fantasy and find gratitude for reality.
Start with the fantasy. Think about everything that you wish would happen this December and list these items (trip to the Bahamas, mother-in-law finally croaking before you go away, full time au pair to look after the kids, partner tending to your every need). Then, one by one, find as many drawbacks as you can to things going the way you think you would like them to. Don’t stop on each item until you’re really grateful that it isn’t that way. For example, on a trip to the Bahamas you could all contract dengue fever (look it up!) and die, you could spend all your savings and therefore not take that course you were looking forward to, picture you and your kids simultaneously tired with jet lag, long haul flights and stop overs with little kids (and all the millions of drawbacks that come with that), not getting to spend Christmas with your best friend, eating weird food that might not agree with you, sunburn, mosquitoes, inflated prices and tourist traps… keep going.
Then move on to reality. Again, list everything that you think is wrong with how things are (your husband will spend the whole time on his phone, your kids will need loads of attention, you’ll be staying with relatives that you hate, your mother-in-law will be driving down with you, you’ll have to cook for more people than usual, etc) and find as many benefits in each of these things as you can come up with. For example, if your husband is constantly on business calls this means that he is still bringing in the cash even while you’re away (think of all the secondary benefits of that), he won’t be shouting at the kids, he won’t have time to moan about his mother, he won’t notice that you’re on your third Martini and it’s only 11am… keep going until you’re grateful for every item.
Everything that looks good has downsides, and everything that looks bad has upsides. Once you see the bad in the good and the good in the bad, then life becomes much more neutral and you’re able to appreciate it exactly as it is without constantly trying to change it.
It’s the desire to change reality into something else that causes depression. Reality is as it is; neither good nor bad. Love your life – it is exactly as it is meant to be right now. Every moment is precious and perfect when you learn how to see it that way. And every moment, every day, every holiday has both support and challenge whether you’re beaching in the Bahamas or backpacking in Blikkiesfontein!
Wishing you a balanced holiday!
All depression has its basis in a fantasy. And the way out of it is to pick apart your fantasy and find gratitude for reality.
Start with the fantasy. Think about everything that you wish would happen this December and list these items (trip to the Bahamas, mother-in-law finally croaking before you go away, full time au pair to look after the kids, partner tending to your every need). Then, one by one, find as many drawbacks as you can to things going the way you think you would like them to. Don’t stop on each item until you’re really grateful that it isn’t that way. For example, on a trip to the Bahamas you could all contract dengue fever (look it up!) and die, you could spend all your savings and therefore not take that course you were looking forward to, picture you and your kids simultaneously tired with jet lag, long haul flights and stop overs with little kids (and all the millions of drawbacks that come with that), not getting to spend Christmas with your best friend, eating weird food that might not agree with you, sunburn, mosquitoes, inflated prices and tourist traps… keep going.
Then move on to reality. Again, list everything that you think is wrong with how things are (your husband will spend the whole time on his phone, your kids will need loads of attention, you’ll be staying with relatives that you hate, your mother-in-law will be driving down with you, you’ll have to cook for more people than usual, etc) and find as many benefits in each of these things as you can come up with. For example, if your husband is constantly on business calls this means that he is still bringing in the cash even while you’re away (think of all the secondary benefits of that), he won’t be shouting at the kids, he won’t have time to moan about his mother, he won’t notice that you’re on your third Martini and it’s only 11am… keep going until you’re grateful for every item.
Everything that looks good has downsides, and everything that looks bad has upsides. Once you see the bad in the good and the good in the bad, then life becomes much more neutral and you’re able to appreciate it exactly as it is without constantly trying to change it.
It’s the desire to change reality into something else that causes depression. Reality is as it is; neither good nor bad. Love your life – it is exactly as it is meant to be right now. Every moment is precious and perfect when you learn how to see it that way. And every moment, every day, every holiday has both support and challenge whether you’re beaching in the Bahamas or backpacking in Blikkiesfontein!
Wishing you a balanced holiday!
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