Landing on planet school

Imagine that one day you wake up, get dressed, and your partner takes you by the hand and pops you in the car. Except instead of dropping you at work, the car takes off and flies to Mars.

You're already confused. You were expecting somewhere familiar.

When you land, he helps you out, walks you over to a group of Martians and other strangers, then turns around and leaves. Everyone else seems to know exactly what's going on. They know where to go and what to do. You don't know why you're there, where the toilet is, how long you'll be staying, what there is to eat, or what counts as acceptable behaviour on this planet.

How do you think you'd feel? Scared? Angry? Confused? Tearful? Panicked? Quite possibly all of the above.

That is exactly how your child feels on their first day at school.

Why this happens

We assume our children will be fine, because our own sense of "fine" comes from years of experience with schools, workplaces, and new situations. Our children haven't had that experience yet. They've only been alive for a handful of years. So as far as their nervous system is concerned, you may as well be dropping them on Mars.

This is exactly why astronauts don't just get strapped into a rocket and sent off. Space agencies run their crews through months of preparation before launch, because unfamiliar environments are frightening, and preparation is what turns fear into confidence.

Your child deserves the same courtesy before they land on planet school.

A planet school training programme

If your child is starting school or moving to a new one this September, here's what preparation could look like:

• A tour of the school, including where the toilets are

• A go on the playground equipment before term starts

• Meeting the teacher, teaching assistant, head teacher, and school office staff

• A walk through what a typical day will actually involve

• A taste of school lunches, or a trip to choose a lunchbox and water bottle together

• Dinner table chats about the feelings that come with starting somewhere new, including your own stories about times you felt that way and how it turned out

• Gentle reminders of other new things they've done that felt scary at first but turned out well

• A simple plan for what to do if something goes wrong, so they know they're not stuck

• Time with you at drop off and pick up in the first days or weeks, for as long as it takes them to feel safe

• Involving them in the conversation about the school itself, or at least explaining why you chose it

It all comes down to preparation

Landing on Mars could be a terrifying ordeal or the adventure of a lifetime. What makes the difference is how much preparation you've had for the journey.

Landing on planet school is no different. A little preparation now, before the school gates open again in September, can be the difference between a child who walks in with a knot in their stomach and one who walks in feeling like they already half belong there.

If the start of term already has you bracing for meltdowns at the school gate, my free guide The Meltdown Reset has five therapist tools for exactly those moments.