Too often we notice what our kids are doing wrong - where they need to improve. It's time to start noticing the good! This is an excerpt from an amazing article by Rachel Mary Stafford with a lovely little tool to remind yourself and your kids to focus on the good.
"That’s when I decided no more. I wanted to notice the good.
I vowed to return to being the positive and affirming person I was with my students throughout my teaching career. I went straight to our basement and dug through my stored teacher supplies. For nine years, I taught children with behavior problems and learning disabilities. There were many negative behaviors and mistakes that I could have been critical of, but I wasn’t. I strived to find at least one strength and one positive in each student everyday, and then I would focus and build on that. I tried to notice as many appropriate actions as I could and comment specifically on them. I used the positive approach for nine years because I saw it work miracles with troubled students that many people thought would never succeed.
I dug through my teacher supplies until I found what I was looking for: The Warm Fuzzy Jar. There was a large crack on the side from one of our many moves as a family. I quickly decided I didn’t have to use this particular jar—just as this strategy for noticing positive behavior wasn’t just for classrooms!
I went to the kitchen and found a large, empty pickle jar and filled it with the colorful pom-pom balls. Then I set two smaller jars beside it on the kitchen counter. Within minutes, my children noticed the jars and inquired about them.
“This is The Warm Fuzzy Jar,” I explained. “Whenever you do something helpful or kind, you place a pom-pom ball in your designated jar because kind and helpful acts make people feel good, like a warm fuzzy.” The girls looked at each other with wide eyes and big smiles, so I continued. “And if you are doing something helpful together or just getting along nicely, you can put two pom-poms in your designated jar. And when your jar becomes full, you can choose something special for you and I to do together.”
My children had the same reaction as my former students did to filling The Warm Fuzzy Jar—pure enthusiasm. They wasted no time being helpful.
"That’s when I decided no more. I wanted to notice the good.
I vowed to return to being the positive and affirming person I was with my students throughout my teaching career. I went straight to our basement and dug through my stored teacher supplies. For nine years, I taught children with behavior problems and learning disabilities. There were many negative behaviors and mistakes that I could have been critical of, but I wasn’t. I strived to find at least one strength and one positive in each student everyday, and then I would focus and build on that. I tried to notice as many appropriate actions as I could and comment specifically on them. I used the positive approach for nine years because I saw it work miracles with troubled students that many people thought would never succeed.
I dug through my teacher supplies until I found what I was looking for: The Warm Fuzzy Jar. There was a large crack on the side from one of our many moves as a family. I quickly decided I didn’t have to use this particular jar—just as this strategy for noticing positive behavior wasn’t just for classrooms!
I went to the kitchen and found a large, empty pickle jar and filled it with the colorful pom-pom balls. Then I set two smaller jars beside it on the kitchen counter. Within minutes, my children noticed the jars and inquired about them.
“This is The Warm Fuzzy Jar,” I explained. “Whenever you do something helpful or kind, you place a pom-pom ball in your designated jar because kind and helpful acts make people feel good, like a warm fuzzy.” The girls looked at each other with wide eyes and big smiles, so I continued. “And if you are doing something helpful together or just getting along nicely, you can put two pom-poms in your designated jar. And when your jar becomes full, you can choose something special for you and I to do together.”
My children had the same reaction as my former students did to filling The Warm Fuzzy Jar—pure enthusiasm. They wasted no time being helpful.
They carried in groceries that I typically brought in by myself.
They put away shoes in the hallway that they used to step over for days.
They made their beds in the morning without being told … dirty clothes actually made it to the hamper without my help … dishes made it to the sink (and even got rinsed) with helpful smiles … musical instruments were played without reminders to practice.
There were even a few shockers like a surprise organization of my spice rack and a super clean toilet bowl. But that wasn’t all. The Warm Fuzzy Jar changed the atmosphere of our home. Cooperation and kindness seems to lighten everyone’s moods—most notably mine.
The fuzzy, colorful balls made everyone more aware—aware of “doing good” and “noticing good.”
I noticed that she dressed herself and hung the discarded clothes back on hangers—not the striped socks that didn’t match with the plaid shorts.
I noticed that she was helping her sister write sentences—not that she was using a Sharpie that was turning her fingers black.
I noticed that she prepared a healthy breakfast of cereal and cantaloupe—not the trail of milk that went all the way from the counter to the kitchen table.
I noticed that she helped her sister do her hair—not the twelve barrettes that were secured haphazardly to the back of her head.
I was Noticing the Good, and it was making a huge difference in our day-to-day interactions and my children’s overall wellbeing.
After the jar worked its magic for a couple months, I put it away so the novelty would not wear off. But a week ago, as the children’s school year was coming to a close, I decided it was the perfect time to get the jar out again. The long, hot summer months can be challenging, and I need daily reminders to Notice the Good. In preparation for The Warm Fuzzy Jar return, I set the items on the kitchen counter.
“The happy jars!” my youngest child shouted when she saw the jars and pom-poms on the counter. “When can we start filling them?” she asked excitedly.
I shrugged, “Well, I was going to wait until the first day of summer vacation, but you can start today, if you’d like.”
Both girls went right into action, and so did I—the children were “doing good” and I was “noticing good.” Once again, the powerful awareness lightened the entire atmosphere of our home and made us all more helpful and kind.
Yesterday, I noticed the girls’ jars are already half full. Suddenly it occurred to me that the children hadn’t even declared what they would be earning when they filled their jar.
To me, that fact spoke volumes.
When it comes to positive affirmation—the prize doesn’t matter.
Because being affirmed is the prize.
Because having someone notice and celebrate your good work is the prize.
Because seeing the smile on your parent’s face because of something you did is the prize.
But wait. Here’s the real prize …
When you fill up a child, her eyes become brighter. Her head is held higher. Her dreams come closer.
And suddenly, life is full of possibilities for the most precious prize of all: your child.
If you would like to read the full article, you can do so here: http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/05/29/how-to-fill-up-a-child/
They put away shoes in the hallway that they used to step over for days.
They made their beds in the morning without being told … dirty clothes actually made it to the hamper without my help … dishes made it to the sink (and even got rinsed) with helpful smiles … musical instruments were played without reminders to practice.
There were even a few shockers like a surprise organization of my spice rack and a super clean toilet bowl. But that wasn’t all. The Warm Fuzzy Jar changed the atmosphere of our home. Cooperation and kindness seems to lighten everyone’s moods—most notably mine.
The fuzzy, colorful balls made everyone more aware—aware of “doing good” and “noticing good.”
I noticed that she dressed herself and hung the discarded clothes back on hangers—not the striped socks that didn’t match with the plaid shorts.
I noticed that she was helping her sister write sentences—not that she was using a Sharpie that was turning her fingers black.
I noticed that she prepared a healthy breakfast of cereal and cantaloupe—not the trail of milk that went all the way from the counter to the kitchen table.
I noticed that she helped her sister do her hair—not the twelve barrettes that were secured haphazardly to the back of her head.
I was Noticing the Good, and it was making a huge difference in our day-to-day interactions and my children’s overall wellbeing.
After the jar worked its magic for a couple months, I put it away so the novelty would not wear off. But a week ago, as the children’s school year was coming to a close, I decided it was the perfect time to get the jar out again. The long, hot summer months can be challenging, and I need daily reminders to Notice the Good. In preparation for The Warm Fuzzy Jar return, I set the items on the kitchen counter.
“The happy jars!” my youngest child shouted when she saw the jars and pom-poms on the counter. “When can we start filling them?” she asked excitedly.
I shrugged, “Well, I was going to wait until the first day of summer vacation, but you can start today, if you’d like.”
Both girls went right into action, and so did I—the children were “doing good” and I was “noticing good.” Once again, the powerful awareness lightened the entire atmosphere of our home and made us all more helpful and kind.
Yesterday, I noticed the girls’ jars are already half full. Suddenly it occurred to me that the children hadn’t even declared what they would be earning when they filled their jar.
To me, that fact spoke volumes.
When it comes to positive affirmation—the prize doesn’t matter.
Because being affirmed is the prize.
Because having someone notice and celebrate your good work is the prize.
Because seeing the smile on your parent’s face because of something you did is the prize.
But wait. Here’s the real prize …
When you fill up a child, her eyes become brighter. Her head is held higher. Her dreams come closer.
And suddenly, life is full of possibilities for the most precious prize of all: your child.
If you would like to read the full article, you can do so here: http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/05/29/how-to-fill-up-a-child/