My company, Transformational Parenting, is about helping parents to become living inspirations for their children. My intention is always to inspire you to inspire your kids. I get asked a lot why I only work with parents, and not with their children, and here is my answer…
To answer this I need to talk to you about magic. Real magic – the kind of magic that transforms lives, that has you living the life of your dreams and inspiring your children to do the same.
There are some typical fears that most parents have, things like turning out to be just like your own parents, losing your identity, being a bad parent or not liking being a parent at all, your career failing, feeling trapped, not having enough money and the ultimate fear, that there is something wrong with your child. As crazy as these sound when you actually say them out loud, they are genuine fears that parents have and form the basis of many of our limiting beliefs about parenthood. I’ll do my best today to address how you may have come up with these limiting beliefs and what you can do to change them and why this is ultimately going to help your children.
Because I’m assuming that you want the best for yourself and your kids or you wouldn’t be reading this today, educating yourself on the best way to help your child – I’m certain that you want to empower your kids to live their dreams, to achieve greatness in all areas, to have self-confidence and determination and resourcefulness. Yes? And I truly believe that all parents are doing their very best for their kids, the best they can with where they are in their own lives.
So if we just say the right things to our kids and give them the best education we can afford and take them to every extra mural class that we find available – you know, tell them what they need to know to guarantee success, then they’ll achieve greatness right? Wrong. Our children learn not by what we say, but by what we do. Words are too abstract for their young minds to comprehend, whereas our actions are more concrete and easier to imitate. So if we want our kids to live the life of their dreams with no limitations, then that is exactly what we need to be doing ourselves. Otherwise what behaviors and beliefs are they imitating? Are you living your dreams, being that great role model of what you’d like your children to believe and achieve? If so – fantastic for you – you are giving your child the best possible gift that you could give. If you’re not, Why not?
The thing is we’re all born with unlimited potential. And I know this because of this number: (1010)11. This is the amount of connections that your nervous system is capable of. It looks like this: 10 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 Still not mean anything to you? This is more connections than all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world; More connections than all the stars in the known universe. And you’re telling me that with that capability you are still limited in some way? This number implies unlimited potential – to learn, to grow, to heal. And yet we still say thing like “I can’t learn a new language” or “ I have an incurable condition” or “I am incapable of xyz” – whatever limitation it is that you’ve put on yourself. Ooooh, I said it… you’ve put on yourself. Now before you lynch me for that last one, let me explain how and why you’re creating limitations for yourself…
Whatever is going on in your life right now is a RESULT. So you have x amount of money. That is a result. A result of what? Of certain BEHAVIOURS. What kind of behaviors? – maybe choices you made regarding your career, the amount of hours you work in a day, your spending habits… you can see that these are all behaviors that if done differently could have different results, right?
And we could certainly make some changes right here at the level of behavior. You could work more, you could spend less on eating out and cook more at home, you could break bad habits, you know like smoking or eating a tub of ice cream on a Friday night…. Whatever it is you wanted to change that would bring you more cashflow. This is the realm of Life Coaching, and there are some wonderful techniques for changing behaviors – I’ll share one with you that I like to use with my kids which I call the Pattern Interrupt – here’s your first tip for actually enjoying parenting - basically it’s creating an extreme interruption to an unwanted behavior that then creates a new neural pathway that will interfere with that behavior in future. It sounds complicated, but I’ll give you an example. I’m sure you’ve experienced a child having a tantrum? The infamous Terrible Twos?! Well pattern interrupts are the solution and I’ll show you one at work:
Yeah, so let’s not diss changes to behavior – they can have a lasting effect. But I like to dig a bit deeper. So we’ve got these results in our life (whether we like them or not) and we have behaviors driving these results. But what causes our behavior? Now you may say that we do, but I would argue that most of our behavior happens at the unconscious level. Cos I’m sure you’ll all agree that some days you’re just on top of things – you feel motivated and full of energy and ready to take on the world – and you do. You get tons done, things run smoothly, you feel like you can conquer all your fears. And then another day you wake up feeling miff. You just don’t feel like working, you phaff for hours and don’t achieve much, you avoid that important call you need to make and you end up knocking off early and going for a drink. This is what I would call your STATE.
And it is responsible for the kind of behaviors that you generate on any given day. In other words if you’re in a motivated state you’ll produce different behaviors to when you’re feeling insecure. If you’re happy and full of energy you’ll produce different behaviors to when you’re depressed. Right?
So what we need to do is to keep ourselves in the right kind of states to produce the kind of behaviors that will drive the right kind of results – the results that will bring us the life of our dreams. Now there are many ways to change your state – you can listen to inspirational audio books or music, affirmations done over long periods of time can help, my personal favourite is jumping up and down (this stimulates the secretion of happy hormones into the blood). Kids know this instinctively - Have you ever seen a miserable child jumping on a trampoline??
There is another highly valuable tool for changing your state, which works by eliminating stress in your life. Now children tend to increase everyone’s stress levels by reducing sleep, finances and free time amongst other things. The tool that I will teach you today is a breathing technique used in Stress Biofeedback – a medically proven technique used to help people to control their heart rate in order to alleviate migraines, high blood pressure and other stress related illnesses. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity of this technique – it has been proven in hundreds of studies to reduce stress levels and eliminate Doctor’s visits due to stress related illnesses (which, by the way, account for about 80% of GP visits). So if you’re keen to reduce your GP visits by 80% and on being a calmer, happier and more relaxed parent, then listen up…
All you need to do is relax, close your eyes, breathe and count to ten. Simple enough? So, you’ll breathe in as you count to 3, then hold your breath on the count of 4, and then breathe out for 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 10. And then start again. If you start to feel lightheaded then just go back to your normal breathing. It often helps to be slightly reclined or lying down while doing this in the beginning. Give it a try now…
Literally all you need to do is to use this breathing method for 10 minutes twice a day and you will immediately feel the difference. If you want more information on how this works then join my mailing list and I will send you the book that I wrote about it.
So the more time you spend in resourceful states, like being relaxed and stress-free, the better the quality of your behavior and the better results you’re going to produce in your life. But why stop there…?
What causes our state? Why do we wake up one day feeling like we can conquer the world, and another day we feel like the world’s biggest failure – and it’s got to do with more than how many beers you had last night! This is where it gets particularly interesting for me, especially in terms of raising kids.
Your state is caused by your CONDITIONING.
Yes, all the good and bad stuff that you picked up - primarily from your parents (which is why we mostly end up repeating their mistakes), and then from your society, friends, teachers etc. Your conditioning includes all your beliefs, values, memories, all that unconscious stuff that actually runs your life.
Now this is what inspires me and where I like to work in my practice – helping people to change their limiting beliefs and clear out all that negative emotional baggage by working directly with their unconscious minds using techniques like Neuro Linguistic Programing and Hypnotherapy. Now I always get some resistance when I mention Hypnotherapy and there are so many misconceptions about what it is that it’s worth addressing. Watching these stage hypnosis shows it’s easy to get the impression that the trance state is some special state where we can be controlled by another person, and this couldn’t be further from the truth – people doing silly things on stage when “under hypnosis” can be explained in the same way that people who have had a few too many drinks might dance on the table. What the drinks/hypnosis are doing is bypassing your critical faculty, allowing you to play along with something that normally your conscious mind would not be relaxed enough to do.
The “trance” state in hypnotherapy is nothing more than a deep state of relaxation. If you’ve ever been for a full body massage and felt zoned out afterwards then you’ll already know what it feels like. When we are deeply relaxed it is easier to suggest ideas directly to our unconscious mind, our conditioned mind, the part that was “hypnotized” by our parents, teachers and friends before we had developed a critical faculty.
So what I do is take people through what I call a Personal Breakthrough Experience, which consists of around eight to ten 2-hour sessions where I help you to clear out these limiting beliefs and teach you new ways of thinking. At the end of this process you will never need coaching again – it is an incredibly empowering process. I could go on and on about how amazing it is, but I’m obviously biased, so if you want to get a real feel for it, try reading a few testimonials from my past clients.
So essentially what I do is give people a fresh start and the absolute faith that they can live the perfect life for them. Because if we’re all born with this unlimited potential, this (1010)11 then its only through our conditioning that we come to believe that we are limited – that there are certain things we can and can’t do - that we’re limited in terms of our ability to heal ourselves, to change the world, to become whatever it is we want to become, to live according to our greatest dreams or not.
Now I can’t imagine anyone that would want to limit their child; that would not want the absolute best for them. And yet what our children learn, especially during the first 7 years when they are like little walking sponges absorbing everything they need to know about the world… what they learn then, is to live out whatever we are now. They unconsciously absorb all of our limiting beliefs and decisions about life, because they don’t have that critical faculty in place yet to judge our beliefs. They unconsciously absorb everything that we are living – what a relationship should look like, how much money it’s possible to make, what things are important to do, own or be, which things are possible to heal and which are not, whether to be confident or insecure. All the things that we picked up from our parents and they picked up from theirs. Not that they, or we, can’t change this at some point – we can – if we know that we can and have the desire to create a different life. But why not give your kids this advantage right from the start??
Now I know that consciously you’re going – but I won’t limit my kids, I’ll be different, I won’t end up like my parents… so let’s take it to the extreme… imagine that your perfect little baby that is going to be the ultimate sports hero, or business woman or president, was born with no arms and no legs? How far would your beliefs take you in terms of what this kid was capable of achieving? Would you then still encourage them to go out and change the world, to inspire others to live their dreams? Or would you perhaps feel like if they just made it through some home schooling program and managed a smile once in a while that you had done a good job of raising them?
I’d like to show you something…
Now you see why I just don’t buy into it when parents say to me “my kid can’t do that, he’s just not athletic… or she’s just not good at maths…. Or he’s got ADD…. Or she’s genetically predisposed to being like that…”
No, ALL children are born with that (1010)11 potential. All children are miracles.
The chances of the particular circumstances being in place that would lead to two people meeting and falling in love are supremely minute. And then if they come together and have children the chance of one particular sperm fertilizing one particular egg and then one particular life emerging is even more unlikely. And this improbability multiplies generation after generation down from your great grandparents until finally by chance you two meet each other and fall in love and from your decision to come together and have children and engage these impossible odds, it’s THIS child that’s born – their life is a miracle. And so is yours! You are all born with the (1010)11 potential. And all children are born with a purpose and dreams and the ability to make their dreams come true.
All children are unlimited in their potential.
So don’t limit them by limiting yourself. Live your dreams, change your world and be the inspiration that your kids need to do the same.
This is real magic.
Testimonials from parents...
"Thank you Mia for the wonderful transformation process we went through together. I never realized how life-changing it would be when I started but I’m blown away by the results. The process of identifying and removing all the negative beliefs I had built up over the course of my life was truly remarkable. Like pulling a thread loose from a weave I literally removed these negative belief patterns that continually recurred in my life. I remember how I could feel a shadow being removed or a kind of re-alignment or reformatting. I feel inspired in my day to day affairs and have actually experienced the power of living in a positive, loving and open frame of mind. I can say that I have since connected with friends and my relationship with my family and children has improved. My daughter's teacher said to me the other day that my daughter really loves me and often tells her how amazing I am. Wow. Horay!!!!
So there you go. Thank you for what you shared with me and for the transformation.
Thank you Thank you Thank you."
Kevin M, Johannesburg
"For the best parenting advice and coaching I cannot recommend Mia Von Scha of Transformational Coaching highly enough. I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with her family and she truly lives what she coaches and the result is two wonderful, free, fun, polite, loving, and balanced children. If you are a new parent or need help with your kids then get in touch with her, you will not be sorry you did."
Anthony R, Master Life Coach, England
"After I had exhausted all avenues of therapies and medication to treat anxiety and depression, I stumbled across Mia's life coaching practice. And it couldn't have come at a better time. I dreaded waking up each day, felt as though I merely existed and felt disconnected from my family and especially my kids. Mia had such a wonderful, caring way of helping me figure out for myself what issues I had. And she worked tirelessly to help me get through and above all of it! I honestly feel like a new person, rejuvenated and ready to take on each day. Needless to say, my kids and my husband have seen a huge difference in me and everything seems brighter everyday :) Thank you Mia, there's a special place in heaven just for you!"
Fatima C, Johannesburg
"Mia's coaching transformed my way of thinking and living forever. The coaching is based on facts, which makes it not only enlightening, but so much easier to trust in its power. My recent grief and past sorrow have been lifted, allowing me to live to my full potential. 6 months later, there's been positive change in every aspect of my life, especially in my children. Mia offers a perfect mix of empathy and firmness that made the experience fantastic and worth every cent. I recommend Mia's coaching to any person who wants control of their mind, their body, their emotions....and ultimately their success!"
Anthea H, Johannesburg
"The only word befitting enough to explain my seven-week experience is transformational. Prior to my weekly Skype calls with Mia, I felt detached from the person I wanted to be, my daily life activities didn’t fulfill me, which left me feeling bored with no zest for life, allowing anxiety to set in. Each week we opened up Pandora’s Box a little more, each week I could feel the progress and the changes within. I realized outwardly others maybe wouldn’t recognize these massive changes but I knew I was finding me. Determining my highest values has brought about so much clarity to my life and whilst doing what I love those around me are happy too. What I’ve realized is that my life was always like this with all the beautiful gifts; Mia showed me how to see life. The fog has lifted so to speak, and I am excited about my life. I am excited to wake up every morning being me and being part of an abundant Universe. It’s almost a game of wanting to see more and knowing that I will be shown… Thank you Mia for the turning point in my life!"
Louise M, Nelspruit